Life is what happens . . .

Wow! It's been a long time since I last wrote anything on my blog. I guess I won't be qualified for any blogger of the year awards. A lot can happen in six months (since I last wrote), and of course, a lot can't happen.

This morning got to thinking that had the IUI we had in June 2010 worked, we would be very pregnant now, possibly preparing for a birth at any minute. But, God had . . . and still has . . . other plans. Needless to say, we are NOT expecting a little one.

I've always liked the quote, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans" because it is so true. I know that I'm not in control of my own life, yet I go about life as if I were. And, what happens? Well, life just goes on until one day you wake up and realize that in some ways it has passed you buy. The last six months have been like that for me. I guess, if I were being completely honest, it has been that way for the last two years. It's as though I have been living in some kind of fog.

I think I had written before about wanting to quit my job and apply for the mommyhood job. Well, my application for the mommyhood job has not been accepted as we all know. But, I did quit my job. As of December 1, 2010, I have been an unemployed SAHW. Now, I know that it can't always be like this. In fact, just this past couple of weeks, I have tried to crawl out from under the rock where I've been hiding. I've been looking here and there for jobs. Of course, I've grown accustomed to this "staying home thing." And, seriously, it is probably not good for someone like me.

I will be the first to admit that I am a homebody, a hermit. I like to be in my home. And, when I stay here for so long, I do not want to leave. In fact, today I have to go to the dentist and am so dreading having to put my make-up on and do my hair. But, when I'm out and about I do feel better. Why am I like this? I think it only contributes to the depression I have felt these last couple of years while trying (unsuccessfully) to conceive a child. And, life just keeps on going while I sit here and sulk.

I mentioned that I have been out of work since December. Well, let me run down the last few months. The first few weeks were nice. I was taking it easy. And, since it was the holidays, I was enjoying the days by baking up a storm. Then, we hit the post-Christmas/New Year's blues. Blah!  I really didn't want to do anything except sit in my recliner and watch movies. Towards the end of January, I went back to my hometown (McCook, NE) for several days. I enjoyed spending time with my 87-year-old grandmother. We just talked and talked and talked. She has written down several of her "growing up" stories so I enjoyed reading those and asking questions. Staying with her was something I'd been longing to do for a long time. She has six children and several grandchildren and great-grandchildren. So, being able to have one-on-one time with her was nice for a change. I also saw my parents. It was very low-key and just what I needed.

When I got home after my long adventure, I knew it was time to do something. Of course, I also knew that I needed to start looking for work. I didn't do too much of that. But, I did began to get my house in order. i felt so accomplished when I got my pantry organized. I even have everything written down. Of course, I still need to add it to my computer inventory list and then start meal planning. Sigh...I am such a procrastinator. But, I always have the best of intentions!

Here we are in the middle of March. I am looking for work, but first I have to revise my resume. Holy Cow! That has been a process in and of itself. As previously mentioned, I'd really like to find something that allows me to work from home. Not sure what I'm going to find, but that is my hope.

I know this is a completely rambling post, but I figure that's kind of how life has been the last few months. We have decided we're going to call the endocrinologist (fertility doc) and have another IUI (more depending on the outcome). Last time we had one, got depressed, and just took a break. This time, we need to move forward. Honestly, I'm not sure how I feel. I know I need to be more upbeat, but I feel beat down. I do hope I can start looking for the positive things in daily life. I do hope I can find some friends (real life or online...doesn't matter at this point). I just need someone in our corner.

Anyway, I'm not going to re-read this (yet) so who knows what I've said. I've gotta go anyway. It's time to do something with my hair and face. Have a good one!